Garage Intelligence

What I wanted = A program to scan my collection of disk drives and say things along the lines of 'Whoa pal, this disk is so old Noah used it for his laptop on the ark!' What I got: An anime girl reading my disks and telling me the current price of petrol somewhere in the world.  Look, I don't know what's going on here either! Surely it can't be that hard to do a little background check on my disks here can it?

We have power, we have display, now we just need the onboard system to live in direct harmony with all the random bits and pieces I've plugged into it instead of it pretending there's nothing there. 'No Dave, I have no freaking idea what you're talking about here. What graphics cards? What Wifi adapter?'.. Hopefully there's some old school drivers still out there!

I've dug out a monitor from the dawn of computing which will help to no end in seeing what I'm doing here. However while getting it to display was easy enough, giving it something to display seemed to be a bit of a wrestling issue in the end..